The target:

I don't know what it is, okay? The last few days I've been moody, miserable, antsy, grumpy, and just plain irritable. I get it, I know it happens, it often follows a pattern in my shots, sometimes it lasts a while, and sometimes it goes away, fairly quickly.
What I do know, is that living with the parentals comes with its challenges on the best of days. I'm not about to go into a "poor me" ramble, because I know damn well that I have it good. People my age pay for the amenities that I have: running water, a shower (or three) daily, toilet paper, a roof over their head... okay, I get it, I don't pay for any of these things. I buy my groceries, and pay off my bills. That's what I do. I go to work, and I take care of myself. My job is my priority, most of my friends will even attest to that.

I get 10 E-Days, to use as I wish, and I will admit that last year I didn't use them as wisely as I could have. I didn't account for the fact that I would be hit with 10 migranes in the month of December either, silly me, I should have known better! Now, if I was missing copious amounts of time, (like more than a day and a half above my e-days) in a year, I can see my parents having something to say about it.

The truth (for me) boils down to this: I have a job, I keep my job, yes, i'm being disciplined, but even my fucking supervisor told me it's not a big deal. It's not because I'm making bad parts, I'm showing up late, or even getting written up for being absent. This is a verbal warning, because I didn't realize that I couldn't take a day, and then a half day so close together. I knew that I had a day and a half all year, but what I didn't realize was that it couldn't fall so close together. I made a mistake. I know that I did, it's done. Leave it alone.
Stop bitching at me. Stop telling me about "your sense of pride" and how, "you never missed work, ever" because I remember damn well times when you would call in a "personal day" when you worked at the factory. The difference? in the 80's and 90's, you guys were busy fucking it up for us, in 2011. Now our percentage is that we may only miss 1.5 days throughout an entire year. You tell me that you NEVER missed time?

The problem is this: I'm grumpy. You know I'm grumpy. You can feel it when I wake up, you can feel the grumpiness seeping out of me, and because of that, you're like a dog on a bone. You take my grumpiness and you use that as a target. Why, I am not sure of. I'm not sure what you gain? The stress level rises, inside of me, and anger seeps through my pours, and all you're doing is creating a combustible mess... any moment, someone at work will say the wrong thing, and maybe I really will punch them in the face?  and then what? then I'm in serious trouble?  We're not talking the "hey al, you missed a day, maybe you could stop that" kind of trouble... now we're in the "workplace violence, you're fired" kind of trouble?
How fucking hard is it, to seeI'm in a bad place, and just leave me alone? I stay in my room. it's not like I'm up in your space, and getting in your way. It's not like I'm trying to be with you, or influence your day at all... I'm trying to control it.

This is also something, that was under control, but being the "parent" you have the ability to set off triggers, left right and centre, and so you do. Again, I have to ask WHY? What is it that you gain from this?
If you want to have the conversation about my departure, then have that conversation. Please, stop doing this passive aggressive picking that you do. It's driving me insane.

I am trying, to control it, to curb it, to make it disappear, but the truth of the matter is, that when you do this picking, all you are doing is making the little monster inside of me happy, and when he's happy he causes havoc on my entire body.

I don't understand why when I'm grumpy, you see the target,and immediately start firing at it...
I'm exhausted.
and now, I don't want to go to work.

~Agenor