Punch in the belly!

I was going to write about being awake at this crazy ass hour, about seeing my friend last night, and about some of the other amazing people and things in my life. I was going to ramble on about this and that, and I still may.

I've got itunes playing, and all of a sudden a song knocks me back to when I'm 17. She was my second girlfriend, and caused me a world of hurt. I never understood relationships too well, and she though she was younger, had a pretty good grasp. She was a pro.

"I think you might find, that your friends would forgive you, maybe I am, just speaking for me... Cause when I look around, I think this, this is good enough... I try to laugh at what life brings, when i look down, I miss all the good things, when I look up, I just trip over things... I've got no illusions about you, when I said i'd take you, I meant as is"...

She's singing it to me, we're laying in her bed, and I'm in this state of complete and utter ignorance. And where I come from, that's a form of bliss.

I wonder how many other people can be knocked around by certain triggers? Songs?  smells? Sounds? sights? even tastes? We are a peculiar bunch, people. I suspect.

Anyway,
The good things I've got going on right now, in no particular order:

• a girl whose pretty into me! :)
• some pretty great friends, who never give up on me, even when I'm sometimes impossible
• a job that while i may get laid off for a week or two, is going to vamp up, and turn out to be something pretty good for another year!
• a running truck that kicks ass, and is pretty sexy whilst he kicks ass
• i'm about to head on a one week vacation to somewhere hot, in the middle of another "canadian winter"
• good things are happening to some of my people as well and i'm able to provide support and comraderie to some who are going through rough times
• i don't really want for anything (except a tv and a laptop... which I don't need, just want) lol
• i have my second camh appointment when i get back from my trip
• having my second camh appointmentn means that I'm getting closer to the finish line, no matter if it keeps moving, ultimately I'm plugging along to that point
• i saw my therapist this week,and plan to see her when I return from my trip, to continue the discussion of emotional/physical healing, and getting mentally ready to have alterations made to my body
• i'm a part of a new group that hopes to provide some much needed services to youth in my community, this is the first time I've been a part of a board since I was but a wee lad (10+ years ago) and I am quite enjoying it.
• i'm meeting new people that I share common interests, or common goals with, and it makes me feel good.
• i'm in a time of change. I need to change some things in my life:
• I'll start with adding 8+ cups of water to my diet, and cutting down entirely on my consuption of Coke, and other carbonated beverages. :(
• I'd like to add in a minimum of 3 workouts a week, as well.
• I'm learning how to set goals.

So I think, this is a pretty good way to start off my Saturday. I'm feeling  pretty good, emotionally. Physically I'm a bit tired, but that's because it's the weekend, and my sleep schedule is right fuckkered up. This is my last week before the vacation. I have 4 days to get through, and a few things to try to accomplish before hand. I'd like to clean my truck, inside and out again and get my packing MOSTLY done maybe even, today!?
And I believe that my long lost friend and I have a tea date this afternoon!
Oh! and there's this girl... I've been kind of seeing her for a little while... and tonight is a big night for us. We're spending some time with her friends. I'm a little nervous, because I think that she's of the school that I'm a pretty good guy, so I don't want to make a bad impression infront of her friends. I'm sure I'll be fine, but it's something in the back of my mind that I worry about. I feel pretty relaxed overall. For the most part we're on the same page with most things, so that puts me at ease.

I wish that I was in a stronger place, and that I could be more secure with myself. But something, I learned at therapy this week, is that I'm likely in a healthier place, being a little less secure, it means that i MAY not rush in as quickly, or blindly as I have in the past. I'm looking forward to building something with a foundation!
So far it's going well...

that is all.

~Agenor