It's a boy indeed.
While I've been a boy for a long long time, (think since as long as I've known the difference between boys and girls) it's only been a little better than a week, since I've been *almost* the kind of boy I've always wanted to be.
I wish in so many ways, with so much power that it could be easier. I wish that we, who are boys, could wake up and have what we were supposed to be born with, already there, functioning and looking like it should. It's not that easy. And maybe there's a reason for that... that reason I'm in no shape to ponder.
My progress is good.
I have a dick. Between my legs. It's hanging where it should, and it's attached to my inner groin, which while it's slightly inconvenient, is not slowing me down too much.
Since Benny has left:
I have taken the garbage out,swept all the hard floor surfaces, and mopped the kitchen. I'm running the dishwasher right now, and actually just enjoying these few minutes of quiet on my couch.
MY COUCH. lol
in my pen and paper journal yesterday I took the time to write down the important things from all of the days up until yesterday. YESTERDAY was the Apache Trail.
....
this blog post brought to you by another distracted thought.
~Agenor
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Penis Day
I'm in the condo, which is to be expected. The last couple of days have been a blur. First and foremost I need to shout out to Mama and Papa S. They have been amazing. I've been less than pleasant for a lot of this trip SO FAR, and they have both been AMAZING. I will say that I feel a little bad for Mama, because I think she feels left out. This must be weird for her too. Maybe I'll get up early tomorrow morning, to talk to her before I go. Likely not, but it's a nice thought, and I will make an effort.
I am hours: not days, not weeks, not months, years or decades away, but HOURS from having a penis. I'm trying hard NOT to wrap my head around it...
I am bummed ALMOST to the maximum. Benny made me a couple of card things to open tonight, and tomorrow after surgery, and of all the things I left behind, I left THOSE behind.
I'm going to call him in the AM before I leave.
I *think* the bowel prep is *almost* done. Likely my favourite part of this whole experience.
I am realizing more and more HOW Truly CANADIAN I really am.
I'm not a fan of so much American here... lol. For instance: the plastic bags at the grocery store: They just keep dispensing them... they don't give a shit HOW MANY they send out. :( So sad.
I'd likely be shot if i brought a re-usable bin in... "why would you reuse something?"
anyway. Americans...
lol
Tomorrow's the big day, and my body is protecting me.
I feel NOTHING. I'm numb as shit.
I'm a little reverent, realizing how important tomorrow is, but I can't even bring myself to do anything about it... after the cleanse, all I really wanna do is go to bed, and know that I'm not gonna poo the bed...
the markings are set,
my penis is on it's way.
Ready, set, grow a penis...
holy fuck, i can't believe it...
So I won't.
~Agenor
I am hours: not days, not weeks, not months, years or decades away, but HOURS from having a penis. I'm trying hard NOT to wrap my head around it...
I am bummed ALMOST to the maximum. Benny made me a couple of card things to open tonight, and tomorrow after surgery, and of all the things I left behind, I left THOSE behind.
I'm going to call him in the AM before I leave.
I *think* the bowel prep is *almost* done. Likely my favourite part of this whole experience.
I am realizing more and more HOW Truly CANADIAN I really am.
I'm not a fan of so much American here... lol. For instance: the plastic bags at the grocery store: They just keep dispensing them... they don't give a shit HOW MANY they send out. :( So sad.
I'd likely be shot if i brought a re-usable bin in... "why would you reuse something?"
anyway. Americans...
lol
Tomorrow's the big day, and my body is protecting me.
I feel NOTHING. I'm numb as shit.
I'm a little reverent, realizing how important tomorrow is, but I can't even bring myself to do anything about it... after the cleanse, all I really wanna do is go to bed, and know that I'm not gonna poo the bed...
the markings are set,
my penis is on it's way.
Ready, set, grow a penis...
holy fuck, i can't believe it...
So I won't.
~Agenor
Saturday, October 15, 2011
when a ghost tries to seep through...
note to self: a little self control goes a long way.
on the night before you leave for Arizona for your PENIS SURGERY: that is NOT a good time to randomly find old back up cd-r's and look at what's on them. although in SOME ways knowing that there is another copy of the photo you took on your second weekend together, is a happy thing (and it is)... maybe finding the old chats isn't the best.
Holy fuck I need to be shot.
and also: I was SUCH a fucking baby in 2008... no wonder she left me...
Also also: earlier when i was packing and FREAKED the fuck out, I finally wrote THE email. I didn't send it. I'm not that silly, but I wrote it, and it was enough to calm me down, and realize she's a different person.
I can do this.
I can do this with the support of my family and friends, and I don't need people in my life who aren't wiling to give me their truth. I have way too many good people, and things going for me right now... this is MY TIME!!
I've got this!
~Agenor
on the night before you leave for Arizona for your PENIS SURGERY: that is NOT a good time to randomly find old back up cd-r's and look at what's on them. although in SOME ways knowing that there is another copy of the photo you took on your second weekend together, is a happy thing (and it is)... maybe finding the old chats isn't the best.
Holy fuck I need to be shot.
and also: I was SUCH a fucking baby in 2008... no wonder she left me...
Also also: earlier when i was packing and FREAKED the fuck out, I finally wrote THE email. I didn't send it. I'm not that silly, but I wrote it, and it was enough to calm me down, and realize she's a different person.
I can do this.
I can do this with the support of my family and friends, and I don't need people in my life who aren't wiling to give me their truth. I have way too many good people, and things going for me right now... this is MY TIME!!
I've got this!
~Agenor
Things of home..
It's 2:21am on Saturday, October 15th. This is the day we're leaving for Phoenix. This is the day we're heading down and starting the journey (further) to my lower surgery. My penis is a matter of hours away... weeks no more.
It feels ABSOLUTELY surreal, that the time has passed as quickly as it has. That the month I had to put in at work, to get to this point has been put in, and passed. That the contract is signed, and life goes on. Layoffs, Christmas around the corner, HOLY FUCK!
This is going to be the last night I'll spend in my bed for the next 6 weeks. There will be no coming home when I miss my Mommy. I'm excited, and I'm nervous. I'm almost more nervous about the long-term-ness of this trip. I have NEVER been away from home for that long, and while I'm going to have AMAZING people sharing my space with me, it's still going to be an adjustment. I'm a little nervous about that.
I saw Heather today, and I ended up working the whole day, which is a blessing. I can't say how much I needed the full 8 hours. It was a little sad when all my work people went home at 6pm, and we had our lunch then, but I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my corner, that almost everyone stopped and wished me well. Even people that I'm not 100% sure knew what they were wishing me well for... "Goodluck Alex" "Goodluck Al!" Thanks everyone.
I'm here, I'm at the finish line. I have to make it through tonight and then one more day. I'm really hoping to enjoy the first couple of days in Arizona before the shit hits the fan... (M... are we talking literally here?)
10am we're packing up and shipping out... which means I should do what I can to get a couple hours of sleep in before the chaos starts...
I'm already missing the kittens. :(
~Agenor
It feels ABSOLUTELY surreal, that the time has passed as quickly as it has. That the month I had to put in at work, to get to this point has been put in, and passed. That the contract is signed, and life goes on. Layoffs, Christmas around the corner, HOLY FUCK!
This is going to be the last night I'll spend in my bed for the next 6 weeks. There will be no coming home when I miss my Mommy. I'm excited, and I'm nervous. I'm almost more nervous about the long-term-ness of this trip. I have NEVER been away from home for that long, and while I'm going to have AMAZING people sharing my space with me, it's still going to be an adjustment. I'm a little nervous about that.
I saw Heather today, and I ended up working the whole day, which is a blessing. I can't say how much I needed the full 8 hours. It was a little sad when all my work people went home at 6pm, and we had our lunch then, but I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my corner, that almost everyone stopped and wished me well. Even people that I'm not 100% sure knew what they were wishing me well for... "Goodluck Alex" "Goodluck Al!" Thanks everyone.
I'm here, I'm at the finish line. I have to make it through tonight and then one more day. I'm really hoping to enjoy the first couple of days in Arizona before the shit hits the fan... (M... are we talking literally here?)
10am we're packing up and shipping out... which means I should do what I can to get a couple hours of sleep in before the chaos starts...
I'm already missing the kittens. :(
~Agenor
Thursday, October 13, 2011
a brief moment of inspriation
It's really ALL I can think about.
I think about using it. Standing to pee at a urinal (though I know how far down the line that really is) I think about the first time I make love to someone. I wonder who that (special someone) lol will be. I think about the healing, and I wonder what it will feel like when I wake up for the first time, and realize that I CAN touch it...
I want to know what it's going to be like. My taste in porn has changed, done a COMPLETE three sixty. So much like my chest surgery. It's funny the way our own bodies make us relate to others' bodies.
I missed therapy today. The migraine kept me down and out. I could have gone, but I would have spent my whole $70 waiting for it to be over, and I've already processed, and there's nothing left to process. Ready or not, here I come.
It will be amazing. A rock, someone who has played SUCH an important role in my developing life. I remember our first session, talking about the little boy in the mirror, about the little boy inside of me, and now, looking in the mirror and seeing much more than merely a glimpse from time to time, I KNOW that this is a transformation, and a transition that she has enjoyed watching. I see it in her eyes every time I see her. We have taken to hugging, a sure sign...
A card in the mailbox, a hug on the street. A lucky boy indeed. I also remember the early days, and talking about my relationship with Courtney as though it was life and death, and I wonder what she thought in those moments. It must have driven her nuts. At this this time around with Tatianna, I know where I stand, and I KNOW what's right and wrong, even if I don't like it, or always want to admit it. :) I'm sure I'm a much easier client these days.
Up from childhood into manhood. It means so much more than just going to the states to pick up a penis. I wish I could explain it better. I wish, I could show you exactly how I feel. You would love it. the pushing and pulling, the excitement, and the joy. The fear and the unknown, it's a whirlwind of emotions, that's for sure.
So much to do, and while I'm feeling better, I'm going to take advantage of that... :)
~Agenor
I think about using it. Standing to pee at a urinal (though I know how far down the line that really is) I think about the first time I make love to someone. I wonder who that (special someone) lol will be. I think about the healing, and I wonder what it will feel like when I wake up for the first time, and realize that I CAN touch it...
I want to know what it's going to be like. My taste in porn has changed, done a COMPLETE three sixty. So much like my chest surgery. It's funny the way our own bodies make us relate to others' bodies.
I missed therapy today. The migraine kept me down and out. I could have gone, but I would have spent my whole $70 waiting for it to be over, and I've already processed, and there's nothing left to process. Ready or not, here I come.
It will be amazing. A rock, someone who has played SUCH an important role in my developing life. I remember our first session, talking about the little boy in the mirror, about the little boy inside of me, and now, looking in the mirror and seeing much more than merely a glimpse from time to time, I KNOW that this is a transformation, and a transition that she has enjoyed watching. I see it in her eyes every time I see her. We have taken to hugging, a sure sign...
A card in the mailbox, a hug on the street. A lucky boy indeed. I also remember the early days, and talking about my relationship with Courtney as though it was life and death, and I wonder what she thought in those moments. It must have driven her nuts. At this this time around with Tatianna, I know where I stand, and I KNOW what's right and wrong, even if I don't like it, or always want to admit it. :) I'm sure I'm a much easier client these days.
Up from childhood into manhood. It means so much more than just going to the states to pick up a penis. I wish I could explain it better. I wish, I could show you exactly how I feel. You would love it. the pushing and pulling, the excitement, and the joy. The fear and the unknown, it's a whirlwind of emotions, that's for sure.
So much to do, and while I'm feeling better, I'm going to take advantage of that... :)
~Agenor
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Resoloution List Update:
1.pay off Line of Credit -NOT EVEN CLOSE... MAYBE NEXT YEAR?
2.get weight down to 200lbs -AFTER SURGERY
3.read and write more -READ MORE FOR SURE
4.spend more time with friends and family (more roadtrips)
5.get back into therapy on regular basis -ONLY WHEN I NEED IT
6.take a winter holiday (in February 2011)
7.get "Junk" in order -OCTOBER 18TH 2011
8.learn how to manage migraines: sleep and food
9.once a week sit down and reflect on the good things in life... -there's a lot to be thankful for, but I never make the time...
2.get weight down to 200lbs -AFTER SURGERY
3.read and write more -READ MORE FOR SURE
4.spend more time with friends and family (more roadtrips)
9.once a week sit down and reflect on the good things in life... -there's a lot to be thankful for, but I never make the time...
Turkey Weekend... recap
Wow. Whirlwind weekend. So lucky am I to have such AMAZING people in my life. How lucky to have inspiring people in my life, who want to be a part of mine.
How lucky.
I got to see *ALMOST* all of my important people.
I wish I'd have found the time earlier to write down the things I want to write down. Right now, the tv in the background is destroying my train of thought.
I'm a quiet guy, and find 90% of the time I don't even listen to music when updating my blog.
I finally got in touch with parts of my elite that I have been missing for quite some time.
Friday night: I had dessert with my good friend Sally and her partner Mackenzie. Good to meet Mackenzie, and get to know her a little, also good to catch up with Sally. She moved across the country and was here for a short visit. So glad I got to catch up with her. M@ came in later on, and we had an amazing weekend visit. He worries about having low energy, and I'm just thankful for the break. The last couple of weeks have been insanity. After staying up until the wee hours of the morning, we had a late start the "next day" and what a day.
Good/Bad/Ugly. I was in quite a mood. I was a little disgruntled by the stories that I make up in my head. I spent most of the day seemingly waiting around for a phone call/text message. Finally at 6pm I met up with my friends. My elite. And after about three minutes of awkwardness (coming from both sides) it was just like we picked up where we left off last time. Matt introduced me to Sims Social, and damnit. lol time was wasted, and has been wasted since then. :) I ran into Stacey A in the parking lot at IGA, and we chatted for a couple minutes, and the same thing happened when I saw Lise at the kiwanis centre while I was waiting for Chris and Les. :) A-mazing.
I rushed home to a fire that my Dad built in the backyard, and enjoyed the time we spent around the fire. Joclynn was our guest of honour. Matt was FINALLY able to enjoy a fire with us, and Staci and Sheller came as well. Dad (the builder of the fire) naturally tended to the fire, and was the life of the party. Mom and Dianne came over after bingo, and Dougie came a little earlier as well, to partake in my "going away fire."
Sunday: we woke up just before dinner. We had an epic battle here, as my brother had a freak out due to a puppy situation (and his inability to cope with ANYTHING outside of his realm of "what he wants") and then we had a good dinner. Turkey and all the fixin's. Everyone had a nap after, and once everything settled down, Dad went back to bed, Matt headed home and Mom and I went bowling. I had a pretty good triple. A good game too. 296. :)
Monday: I woke up, packed up, and headed down to Toronto for the afternoon/evening.
Spending a second Turkey dinner with the Brisland family, and enjoying the company to the MAX! Trying afterwards to explain what it felt like the best I could come up with was: it's like getting this amazing bear hug for 4 hours, and then all of a sudden walking out of it... you're so immersed, that you don't want to leave. I tell you, Benny: I could stay there forever. :)
I stopped off at TJ's and ended up bringing him home. He's been here since (hence the TV in the background) and now I'm just getting ready for my third last day of work before Arizona. :) Holy cow! How lucky am I?
~Agenor
6 days till surgery
How lucky.
I got to see *ALMOST* all of my important people.
I wish I'd have found the time earlier to write down the things I want to write down. Right now, the tv in the background is destroying my train of thought.
I'm a quiet guy, and find 90% of the time I don't even listen to music when updating my blog.
I finally got in touch with parts of my elite that I have been missing for quite some time.
Friday night: I had dessert with my good friend Sally and her partner Mackenzie. Good to meet Mackenzie, and get to know her a little, also good to catch up with Sally. She moved across the country and was here for a short visit. So glad I got to catch up with her. M@ came in later on, and we had an amazing weekend visit. He worries about having low energy, and I'm just thankful for the break. The last couple of weeks have been insanity. After staying up until the wee hours of the morning, we had a late start the "next day" and what a day.
Good/Bad/Ugly. I was in quite a mood. I was a little disgruntled by the stories that I make up in my head. I spent most of the day seemingly waiting around for a phone call/text message. Finally at 6pm I met up with my friends. My elite. And after about three minutes of awkwardness (coming from both sides) it was just like we picked up where we left off last time. Matt introduced me to Sims Social, and damnit. lol time was wasted, and has been wasted since then. :) I ran into Stacey A in the parking lot at IGA, and we chatted for a couple minutes, and the same thing happened when I saw Lise at the kiwanis centre while I was waiting for Chris and Les. :) A-mazing.
I rushed home to a fire that my Dad built in the backyard, and enjoyed the time we spent around the fire. Joclynn was our guest of honour. Matt was FINALLY able to enjoy a fire with us, and Staci and Sheller came as well. Dad (the builder of the fire) naturally tended to the fire, and was the life of the party. Mom and Dianne came over after bingo, and Dougie came a little earlier as well, to partake in my "going away fire."
Sunday: we woke up just before dinner. We had an epic battle here, as my brother had a freak out due to a puppy situation (and his inability to cope with ANYTHING outside of his realm of "what he wants") and then we had a good dinner. Turkey and all the fixin's. Everyone had a nap after, and once everything settled down, Dad went back to bed, Matt headed home and Mom and I went bowling. I had a pretty good triple. A good game too. 296. :)
Monday: I woke up, packed up, and headed down to Toronto for the afternoon/evening.
Spending a second Turkey dinner with the Brisland family, and enjoying the company to the MAX! Trying afterwards to explain what it felt like the best I could come up with was: it's like getting this amazing bear hug for 4 hours, and then all of a sudden walking out of it... you're so immersed, that you don't want to leave. I tell you, Benny: I could stay there forever. :)
I stopped off at TJ's and ended up bringing him home. He's been here since (hence the TV in the background) and now I'm just getting ready for my third last day of work before Arizona. :) Holy cow! How lucky am I?
~Agenor
6 days till surgery
Thursday, October 6, 2011
thoughts that couldn't be thunk
i've got lists, and letters, and yellow paper covering my desk.
I come home, through the doors. The condo is finally taken care of, and I'm confident that I have a place to sleep. My passport has arrived, this afternoon CANPAR came by to deliver my letter from CAMH, and things seem to be just coming together smoothly. Mom starts freaking out about a rental car. I wonder, why she's renting a car, when it's only a mile from the condo to the hospital where I'll be having surgery. I've got a driver lined up for my other appointments and such, so everything seems to be good. Anyway, just more stress.
I'm worried about the Graines. I think my body is going to release the stress, (when it's finally released) and I'm going to be hit with a three day migraine or something, smack dab in the middle of my surgery. I'll be okay. I'm just worrying about nothing.
annnnnd i can't concentrate anymore, which is par for the course.
~Agenor
I come home, through the doors. The condo is finally taken care of, and I'm confident that I have a place to sleep. My passport has arrived, this afternoon CANPAR came by to deliver my letter from CAMH, and things seem to be just coming together smoothly. Mom starts freaking out about a rental car. I wonder, why she's renting a car, when it's only a mile from the condo to the hospital where I'll be having surgery. I've got a driver lined up for my other appointments and such, so everything seems to be good. Anyway, just more stress.
I'm worried about the Graines. I think my body is going to release the stress, (when it's finally released) and I'm going to be hit with a three day migraine or something, smack dab in the middle of my surgery. I'll be okay. I'm just worrying about nothing.
annnnnd i can't concentrate anymore, which is par for the course.
~Agenor
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Five Things:
The original entry can
be found at http://jesushas2daddies.blogspot.com/ (author gave thumbs up
for sharing his blog) and it was turned into a meme on LJ and now FB.
A green backpack is given with the instructions to find five items that represent me.
The items:
1. Blackberry "Torchy"
2. Swim Trunks
3. Sunshine Angel Pin
4. a Mitch Albom book
5. Notebook and Pen
1. The Blackberry shows many things about me, but first and foremost my inability to be alone. While I pride myself in being an introvert, I must confess that the only solo lunch dates I have been on in the past decade (which is the only time I've ever tried btw) I have spent the majority of the time in someone else's company via my trusty Blackberry. It also represents my appreciation/interest in technology. Something I love.
2. I love to swim. The trunks represent many many things, but first and foremost freedom. To me, there is nothing more freeing than swimming in a lake (preferably at sunset). Feeling the cold water splashing against my bare chest... it's incredible.
3. My grandmother gave me a Sunshine Angel pin before she passed away. This represents my deep love for the past. For my foundation. This also represents one of the most important people in my life. Someone whom loved me unconditionally and so fiercely. I don't expect EVER to find anyone on this Earth who will ever come close to loving me as much as that lady did. And how lucky am I to have had her undivided attention? :)
4. I love this man's writing. But what I love more about his books, than the actual writing is the way that they make me feel. They make me challenge myself a little. They push me outside of my emotional box. They invite me to feel more spiritual than I did the moment before, and encourage me, to write.
5. I am a writer. Whether I nurture it or not, whether I indulge in it or not... it is a part of who I am. Being a writer simply because I'm a feeler. What better way to capture a moment than writing down the feelings invoked?
What about you? What five items best describe you?
~Agenor
A green backpack is given with the instructions to find five items that represent me.
The items:
1. Blackberry "Torchy"
2. Swim Trunks
3. Sunshine Angel Pin
4. a Mitch Albom book
5. Notebook and Pen
1. The Blackberry shows many things about me, but first and foremost my inability to be alone. While I pride myself in being an introvert, I must confess that the only solo lunch dates I have been on in the past decade (which is the only time I've ever tried btw) I have spent the majority of the time in someone else's company via my trusty Blackberry. It also represents my appreciation/interest in technology. Something I love.
2. I love to swim. The trunks represent many many things, but first and foremost freedom. To me, there is nothing more freeing than swimming in a lake (preferably at sunset). Feeling the cold water splashing against my bare chest... it's incredible.
3. My grandmother gave me a Sunshine Angel pin before she passed away. This represents my deep love for the past. For my foundation. This also represents one of the most important people in my life. Someone whom loved me unconditionally and so fiercely. I don't expect EVER to find anyone on this Earth who will ever come close to loving me as much as that lady did. And how lucky am I to have had her undivided attention? :)
4. I love this man's writing. But what I love more about his books, than the actual writing is the way that they make me feel. They make me challenge myself a little. They push me outside of my emotional box. They invite me to feel more spiritual than I did the moment before, and encourage me, to write.
5. I am a writer. Whether I nurture it or not, whether I indulge in it or not... it is a part of who I am. Being a writer simply because I'm a feeler. What better way to capture a moment than writing down the feelings invoked?
What about you? What five items best describe you?
~Agenor
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Just a little update
I've got a to-do list beside me almost half a mile (read: page) long. Which isn't bad, because yesterday's version was a whole page. My passport came in the mail last night. *yay!* I'm getting my doctor to fill out the forms for manulife, since I can't seem to get a hold of my case manager after trying for a solid week. She has returned ONE of my 6 phone calls? I'm giving up, and giving in. But they better fucking approve my claim, or shit WILL hit the fan.
I have yet to hear from "condo guy" which is a little unsettling, because I did just sent him a money order for almost $3000 dollars, and it'd be nice to know that it's in the right hands, and everything is all set up. He kinda sucks. I hope the condo doesn't suck, and I hope I don't have any problems once I'm there either. Ugh.
My camera (that I got with expensive) came in the mail today. She's pretty too. I need to get an SD memory card for her sometime, and today is my last chance to do my shot before surgery, so I need to get on that. It's also the first day that I can get my T, since the last prescription. I'm not sure WHAT I did, but I think I really fucked up my T this time. I need to write it on a calendar, I can't keep track ANY other way.
Most things are coming together. There are a few lose ends that are major stressors but I think by the time the 15th gets here, everything will be okay. Mom and Dad are talking about renting a car now. I suppose they don't have all the extra shit that I have on my plate. CAMH has contacted the ministry, and my approval paperwork was sent out yesterday. Did they forget to mail it to me? Did I do something to piss someone off, or is that just where they made an error, and I'm the lucky guy caught in the middle? I've been told Meltzer gets the letter a day or two before the guys do. Well here I am a month later... *exhale* It's all good.
Now I've resolved to getting papers filled out with doctor, once that is done, I'll be able to breathe a little easier.
~Agenor
I have yet to hear from "condo guy" which is a little unsettling, because I did just sent him a money order for almost $3000 dollars, and it'd be nice to know that it's in the right hands, and everything is all set up. He kinda sucks. I hope the condo doesn't suck, and I hope I don't have any problems once I'm there either. Ugh.
My camera (that I got with expensive) came in the mail today. She's pretty too. I need to get an SD memory card for her sometime, and today is my last chance to do my shot before surgery, so I need to get on that. It's also the first day that I can get my T, since the last prescription. I'm not sure WHAT I did, but I think I really fucked up my T this time. I need to write it on a calendar, I can't keep track ANY other way.
Most things are coming together. There are a few lose ends that are major stressors but I think by the time the 15th gets here, everything will be okay. Mom and Dad are talking about renting a car now. I suppose they don't have all the extra shit that I have on my plate. CAMH has contacted the ministry, and my approval paperwork was sent out yesterday. Did they forget to mail it to me? Did I do something to piss someone off, or is that just where they made an error, and I'm the lucky guy caught in the middle? I've been told Meltzer gets the letter a day or two before the guys do. Well here I am a month later... *exhale* It's all good.
Now I've resolved to getting papers filled out with doctor, once that is done, I'll be able to breathe a little easier.
~Agenor
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