It's true. Disorganized and running late. Two words that could be used to describe me. Running late, for sure. Disorganized, well it depends on the circumstances. When it comes to time management I FAIL. I'm okay with that. I don't make plans. In the last two weeks, it's been pointed out a couple of different times, that I'm not considerate, because of this "flaw." The reality is, that maybe I'm not the most considerate person. Maybe I do think of myself first. I will give you excuses and reasons why I do this, till I'm blue in the face. Every single one of them is valid, in my eyes.
i thought of others first for so long, i neglect myself in other areas (sleep, excercise, diet, to name a few).
i don't like to be place in a situation i can't get out of, i don't like commitment, (I have recently discovered, that I am infact a commitment-phobe!) there's a million and one reasons why I don't like to make plans.
Don't think that you're unique. Don't think that, it means I care any less for you, don't think that it means that I don't respect you, it likely means that I DO respect you.
I have cancelled on Nana three weeks in a row. After MAKING PLANS. At least in this case, I'm not cancelling. And chances are, when I realize that I do want to do something with you, that I'm genuinely interested in spending that time with you.
What is love? Love is wanting to be a better man for someone. That's what love is, according to what Princess says. At the very notion of this, being a possible truth I tear up, and realize that my heart is cold. That there is nothing driving me right now. I have amazing people in my life, and many of them that I care deeply for. But I am surely missing that drive. I'm working on it!
I'm okay. I'm enjoying things. Piece by piece. Moment to moment. I'm remembering that life is a series of moments.
I just sit in the bathtub waiting for my fingers and toes to get wrinkly, thinking of the moments that have passed me by. Thinking of the man I was when I was trying for her, and realizing that I wasn't half of the man that I am today. It is true, that hurt makes us better. Stronger. It is true, that I needed more strength. It is true that in this place that I am in, I am almost content. It is true.
Truth: I'm not so scared anymore. I'm excited. Invigorated. I'm ready for whatever is next, but more importantly I'm ready for what is here.
Sitting up in my freshly made bed, with my cat at the end peering over at me, we watched three movies tonight together, Buddy and I. My eyes are tired, but my brain... keeps on moving... pushing me to think and to feel when my nerve endings are worn.
a single white pill under my tongue...
my eyes will close eventually and peace will come to me... I'll sleep for 6 hours, get up, and enjoy a friendship. In a deliberate way.
The man, whom I don't give enough credit to. Tthe man who saved my life, was my friend when it felt as though I was all alone. Stepped in, when I needed a partner in crime... Gave me a purpose, and allowed me to be a part of his life.
I don't give Princess nearly enough credit.
I hope for a moment, in a response to an email tonight, that he knew... that deliberate or not, the time we spend together means something. A friendship that may be more complicated than others, is really as simple a two guys, who needed someone in their corner, at the same time.
And now we are, two guys fighting the world, but both with someone in our corner.
I'm excited for the things happening in my life. I'm excited for my upcoming trip to mexico with my friend. I'm excited for the dates that I've been going on, with a pretty girl. I'm excited for the potential for work to get busy again, and overtime to come my way. I'm excited for fresh start that I've been given, in the new year. For the goals that I've already started acheiving, and for the accomplishments that will follow this year. For new beginnings, fresh starts, new opportunities, and growth. I want to GROW!
Stretching and pulling, I knew that I could feel it, but once again, I have surprised myself with how far I have come.
~Agenor
I like Princess' version of what love is.
ReplyDeleteI like that everyone has their own interpretations of what love is.
I like to think that love is something and someone that makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.