Coming to terms...

I'm trying to come to terms with everything that's happening. I think that I'm making some headway. I will deal with the delay in my surgery date, by hopefully making the best of it. Truth be told, September/October was a little early for me. I was eager, and excited, for a couple of reasons, but it was a little early. I have not lost nearly enough weight to be confident that my results won't suffer from my size. I'm down 15lbs from when I first started at @ 245lbs. I'm still the same height, so I'm still overweight, and I'd like to be a little less overweight when I have my surgery. Best results possible.

Also: my finances are a mess. I've been *pretty* good about paying everything off, but I got my credit card all wracked up when I went to Arizona in May, and I haven't been able to bring it (AND KEEP IT) down. I also had the unexpected expense of paying back the Government from a reporting mistake I made when I was on Employment Insurance in July of 2007! And of course, who could forget: THE Mexico Trip!! I *should* be done paying it off by now, but I'm not. I need to start figuring things out, and getting these smaller monthly bills paid down, so that when I do eventually take that flight, I'm not worrying about such little bills (that make a big difference)

So yes, Toronto would be an AMAZING experience for me, and yes, I have read the pros and the cons list, and I know that EMOTIONALLY Toronto COULD be amazing, but I think that I really need to follow this surgery thing through, and while I could likely still have everything I want, it will be easier living at home, and it will be easier to ask for help if I need it, living at home. Also uprooting myself from my "stable" job, which will provide me with sick benefits while I'm off work, is a little irresponsible. I'm a little worried about my job right now, as I've had some trouble with migraines, and had to take some time off. I'm also a little pissed at the office staff, I am starting to wonder if honesty was the best policy here, or if I should have waited until they absolutely needed to know that I was leaving to tell them my plans.

I have no idea what the next few months are going to look like. I think that I am looking for a change, I need something to fill the voids. My best friend moved to Toronto, my job is a little rocky, and the heat is killing me. My family is awesome and supportive, but it's still the same old thing... okay, okay... so what can I do?
I need a lifestyle change. A positive lifestyle change. I need to hop back on the bandwagon, and eat healthy (even when I'm NOT at work) *I've got the at work part of eating good down* I need to hop back on the gym bandwagon as well, and while it'd give me more energy, promote weight loss, and change my body shape, it'd also give me something to fill my time, (of which I have more of now that my friend has moved away).
I've also got this course sitting here, that I could be looking into. I don't know much about what I want to do when I grow up, but I do know that factory work isn't the type of work that I can have a nice long retirement after... it'll be a few years, and then I'll curl up in a ball like a dead bat, and die. all broken and stuff.

I think the important part of this: is that I have options. And I have to say, that today, I am in a way better frame of mind than I was yesterday. And even though I have official confirmation from the surgeon's office: anything could happen. They could receive my official approval earlier than September. They may have a cancellation, once they've received my letter, ect. ect. ANYTHING Could happen. In the meantime, I need to stop focusing on what's NOT going right, and focus on how to make the things that I can CONTROL, happen in a way that is healthy and productive.

I feel like I'm *almost* back to my old self again.
and I've been enjoying these little updates.
Princess told me that I need to start writing my "book" now. I think he may be right.

~Agenor