Approval, Inspiration, and the next chapter...

Life really does move on. Time doesn't slow down for anyone, and things happen whether you're waiting for them to or not. Life is an amazing miracle, and the way that we interact with people never ceases to amaze me. I'm a simple man, I suppose.

The last two days have been a whirlwind. I arrived in TO after my midnight shift at work. I got through rush hour traffic with minimal swearing, swerving, and incident. Though taking three hours to get here (almost double the time it normally takes) was a little nerve wracking. We had a decent day, after I had a wee nap, and the day seemed to kind of run away from me. It was good to catch up with M, and feel reassured that I'm in a good place for this surgery. and for approval. It made today so much easier. A HUGE thanks go out to him.

Today was the real party. Today was the main event. We got up around 9, and left by 10. Princess and I took the subway down to CAMH. I went into my appointments in a fairly decent mood, I feel like I did relatively well with talking to the Psychologist. Everything seemed to go well, and she seemed fairly confident with my answers. Remember: this is my life we're talking about, research IS necessary...
After an awesome (though quiet ethnic in Al's world-lol) lunch on a patio with M and Princess, (a lunch where I spilled stuff on my nice clean t-shirt) Princess and I parted ways with M and carried on to the second appointment. On the way we stopped at a UofT bookstore sale, and I purchased 2 $5.00 UofT t-shirts. I'm quite proud of them. *this was also a way for me to ensure that I was going into my next meeting with clean clothes*
Meeting with the psychiatrist was fairly uneventful. The questions he asked me were AMAZING. I must say.
After talking to him about "how my life will change post surgery" and "how I will deal with disappointment" I felt confident that I answered to the best of my ability. For the record: I don't see my life changing a great deal after these surgeries. I don't see anything really changing except for a few minor things. ie: public bathrooms, and change rooms, and possibly the way that I share/experience sexual intimacy with my partners.

He gave me the go-ahead to book surgery. He stated that I should have a letter no later than 8 weeks from today's date, and that I could schedule surgery for anytime after that. (I'd like to schedule in 10 weeks from today). The psychologist suggested I wait longer, but I'm not ENTIRELY convinced that she has my best interests at heart... in fact, when I asked her if she was my advocate, she was confused, so I dumbed it down for her and asked her if she was on my side... and the answer that I got was less than convincing. I'm quite fearful that I'll be going at this solo. Strange enough, after only a half hour with the psychiatrist I feel as though I connected better with him, and he seems more supportive than the psychologist. Interesting. He told me that no follow-up appointments were necessary, but I was more than welcomed to come back and talk to them (him) if I had any post op/ during op complications, or emotional issues that I wanted to deal with. I have to say, it was nice to know that I have access to that support. Interesting.


So I suppose now: my tentative ACTION PLAN is to:
-call Meltzer's office on Monday and book a surgery date for anytime after September 23rd
-and start making plans, and getting things in line, hotels, flights, rental cars, ect.
-get my arse to the gym

I CANNOT believe that I'm at this place.

On our way to the bar where we celebrated with a pink drink, Princess and I were talking, and it occurred to me that I NEVER expected to get to this point. When I first started the approval process with CAMH I expected to be denied, because I wasn't "trans enough" or "man enough." In fact - that was a large part of the reason that I wasn't on my incompetent doctor's ass to get the referral going (I allowed it to sit dormant for over a year, waiting for him to make the referral.
Right now, all I can think of is "wow" and "holy shit"

The time is now.
oh my GOD!

~A

*on a completely unrelated (possibly) note: I'm feeling quiet inspired by being in the city, and thinking that post surgery a move is in order. (though likely NOT to Toronto) I'm also thinking that schooling NEEDS to be pursued. I am made for MORE than what I am doing, and my mind is way more powerful than factory-work requires.
WAY MORE!*