today I bitch about migraine and the treatment... a little

I'm tired. Emotionally and physically almost exhausted. I had the most uneventful day, and for some reason I'm okay with that. I'm not pissing and moaning that I'm not getting enough done, I'm not seeing enough, I'm not doing enough. I'm just okay with this.
After not sleeping well the night before last, I slept super late today. Not getting OUT of bed until almost 2, but being awake and dicking around online for an hour or so...
I didn't feel motivated, and when I started my day that was a little sad for me, but as the day progressed I learned how to just let it be, and so I did. Watched a movie generously set up by M on his lunch, and enjoyed our brief chat over equally unhealthy lunch choices. :)
I love this home. In case I haven't mentioned it, it's hard to justify going back to Stratford when I have such an awesome home here with M. Big thanks to him, for sharing his space with me, and allowing me to feel so comfortable and welcomed here. :)

The beta blockers are kicking my ass. That's the conclusion I have come to. That the beta blockers are the majority of the reason that I am so physically exhausted right now. It's the only thing that makes sense as depression is less likely seeing as I'm on beta blockers (which combat anxiety as well as a slue of other things) and the anti depressant (which I'm not entirely convinced isn't causing my migraines) -at this point the thought has crossed my mind that I should try coming off the Anti-d in an attempt to stop the graines in their tracks. Possibility.
I'm bummed (though I wouldn't call it depression) because I do feel so worthless right now. (worthless is the wrong word, I'm in remarkably good spirits) -the problem is this: the migraines are making me too unreliable to be a good employee, but they aren't frequent enough (in my opinion) to warrant going on a longer term disability, or ODSP. I *would* have a hard time being OKAY with being on Ontario Disability for migraines, considering they aren't an EVERY day, or even every other day occurrence. The problem is, that I am unreliable. My employer is GOING to have to consider letting me go sooner or later (and at the rate that I am going, sooner is looking like the better bet).

What to do? I'm not too sure. This is where I'm at:  too sick to do anything, not sick enough to be legit.
 Maybe next week will be better?

~Agenor