Happy Anniversary to her.
Knew there was a strange undertone to the day, didn't realize until later that it would have been three years... makes me feel completely pathetic realizing that: we've now been apart longer than we were together, and the new girlfriend and her have been together longer.
Looks like it wasn't real love after all... and if it was, clearly lesbian love is a better love for her.
I hate lesbians.
(as a rule... though there are exceptions)
Some days it feels like just yesterday when my life was "all together" and other days it feels like I've been playing the solo game for a long ass time... Time is strange.
*and for the record, I never had it "all together" I just thought I did, but if I had any ounce of logic in me, I would have known two things: nothing is forever, and at the ages that we were, we were worlds apart.
Now i feel so in between ages that I'm not sure where I fit. I'm too immature for women my age, but I want a woman that I can talk to and connect with... but I'm certainly not ready to settle down... or am I?
I'm a mess.
that girl did leave me a mess, and in the last few months i've started cleaning up her mess.
a HUGE thank you to the girl for helping me focus on something else... walking away from her hurt me more than I imagined it would, and so it gave me a chance to realize that I was capable of having feelings for someone else.
Yes it's fucked up that at the time, I felt like I was being unfaithful... but it got me to a better place...Big thanks to her. (as messed as that is)
So, yes a very happy birthday to my almost-mother-in-law, and a happy 3rd anniversary to the girl who ripped out my heart. Thank you for that. but more importantly, thank you for the opportunity that you gave me to grow into a better person, and a stronger person than you deserve. The irony? the entire relationship I tried so hard to be better, and stronger, and just a good person... when I was already good enough, and strong enough... it wasn't me who needed to do the growing and stretching (though i did benefit greatly!) it was her.
Sometimes life is funny... I guess I'm just that much stronger for the next girl who comes along... maybe she'll be stronger too, and she'll fight for me... it'd be nice to have someone fight for me...
~Agenor
"the entire relationship I tried so hard to be better, and stronger, and just a good person... when I was already good enough, and strong enough... it wasn't me who needed to do the growing and stretching (though i did benefit greatly!) it was her."
ReplyDeleteCan I just say that, after three years, I am so very pleased to read this? I think you always knew it, Al, but I don't think you believed it. So happy to read of that belief being restored and perhaps even strengthened because of the experience. Now, don't you ever, ever, EVER stop believing that you are good enough and strong enough again. :)