Lots of cool things happening today. I *think* I figured out the Toronto transit system, at least a little more than I had before. I took buses and shuttles, and detours, and used transfers, and wow, it was exciting! I spent some time (though not nearly enough) in the library this afternoon writing, I'm slightly embarrassed about it. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, because what if it turns out that I really can't write worth a shit, and it's crap? Then what? I actually think that I'm finally onto something, and I *think* that the book will be fairly organized, way more than I thought would happen. AND it seems to be flowing fairly good. I'm working on points now, but I think once I start to write, if I can get into the same head space, I'll be golden.
Inspiration came to me this evening walking the dogs. When I got home from a busy day of figuring out Toronto's transit system, I walked the dogs. Each one separately. I started with Pebbles the puggle, she is the guest puppers, and is a little adhd. She stops to smell all the roses, it seems like she forgets that she's supposed to be looking for a spot to pee, I know I'm a little less patient than a good dog owner would be, but give me some credit, for giving it a shot. She was very well behaved in comparison to other nights, though naturally I had more time, and because I walked her first, I didn't feel like there was a lot of pressure. She came in, and did her business. Bea freaked out. The poor little thing, doesn't socialize well with other puppies, and sadly she was very uptight about the entire situation. Bea barked, and squealed like you were trying to kill her, and as soon as she got outside on her leash, everything was fine. It was really neat to see that change actually. She was much calmer when she came in, and though she heard Pebbles upstairs a little, she was fairly calm about the whole situation.
Isn't it funny, how in one moment it can seem like life is shitting bricks on you, and you feel like you're: suffocating, drowning, running, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and in the next moment you can feel completely okay? I'm not sure how many people are like this, but I know that I am one of them. Sometimes it really is as simple as a walk outside, to smell the fresh air...
Last week that I was here, I was freaking out. Stressing to the Maximum about what I want to do with my life, right now, and in the future. I was thinking about moving to Toronto, I was thinking about quitting my stable job, and moving away to a new city, making less money, and giving up my truck, which while I wouldn't need it here in TO I would miss it dearly. Stanley IS like a child to me. I was in my state of confusion, and while I was outwardly having a good time, and soaking up the inspiration, and the extended friend time with M and TJ, I was stressing out about all of my new choices. I think I did deep down know the answer, but I needed to go through the motions. As soon as I got home, flopped down on my bed, (and saw my kitties) I knew what I was going to do. Leave it to the simple things in life, like a clump of cat hair on your blanket, to remind you of the things that mean the most.
So while it may not be ideal, and it may not be on the fast track to where I want to be, it's exactly where I need to be... Right at home with the kitties that make me smile, and the people who do love me best.
Buddy snuggling with his Daddy!
Scooter layin' in his homemade hammock
~Agenor
No comments:
Post a Comment