Fifteen minutes in the bathtub, and I'm a new man. I went in very very grumpy, I could feel the ants marching. While in there, I had some candles lit, and the jets on, and I just sat, and relaxed. I thought how much I enjoy these little tubbies. I thought about what will change after surgery, and how I won't be able to enjoy them quite the same. Temperatures may be a little different for me... I also thought about what it will be like down there. I'm trying to find a positive spin on all of my frustrations and aggravations.
After a complete falling out with the mama tonight, I'm exhausted, and oh so thankful for the massage that I have scheduled for tomorrow morning.
Since benefits pay for them, I might as well use them up, and it's apparent that I won't get much of an opportunity while I'm in the States.
Money issue: I realized that when I return, I'll be able to claim: my eye glasses, hotel receipts, flights and possibly SOME expenses that I incur while I'm down there. MEDICAL. This is a great thing! I should be able to recover SOME of my costs, and I'll be able to either put that money towards the next stages, or try to clear out some of the line of credit.
The less money that I owe mom, and the sooner that it happens, the better for everyone involved: mostly me!
I'm really banking on the idea that the Celexa increased the frequency of my migraines. I'm really hoping that's the case. I stopped taking it all together last Friday. Dr. Kara doesn't remember the things he says from one visit to the next. One visit, (while my mother was in there THANK YOU VERY MUCH) he mentioned that the Celexa could be causing the increase. (luckily mom didn't pick up on that... her and her aversion to anti-depressants, but her strange preference for anti-anxiety meds... Complete contradiction....
Now that I've got that in the back of my mind (that I can claim some of my expenses as medical on my income tax) I'm feeling a lot less stressed... And now at least I know if I do have to borrow from other sources while I'm down there, that I will have the money to pay back.
I need to get back to work. I'm feeling increasingly depressed, useless, and naturally bored. I'm not occupying my days as well as I could be, and today's activity left me feeling slightly violated. Since I am being so tight with my money, it was quite difficult for me to watch $20.00 go right down the drain at the post office, due to a handling fee they charge for doing my passport there. Had I known there was a $20.00 handling fee on top of the extra 10 business day wait for my passport to come in, I would have surely put the $20.00 in my truck for gas and had a road trip down to Kitchener for the day. I know it's not much, but it's enough to get me out of the house. I'm trying to pinch pennies.
For groceries this week I got: 2 pkgs of Pasta, 2 jars of pasta sauce, a box of cheerios, and 2 bags of salad. So lets hope that I can keep my taste buds more occupied than I can my mind/body... There certainly isn't much room for diversity in that grocery bag. It's a small thing.
I'm thinking too, about starting up my gym membership for the next few weeks. I'll be able to stop it again, when i head back down to Arizona for surgery. Something I've been thinking about. My doctor isn't going to be the happiest though, I'm sure. I know he's definitely getting sick of me. I don't know what else to do though, I'm working on it.
Watching triggers, and trying to abort as soon as I can, but the tripitans don't work very well for me at all... I'm working with the Tylenol 3's now, to see if I get results.
All in good time I suppose.
For now, I'm getting tired, even though I didn't really do too much today, and I did have a nice long nap this evening... I suppose I'm boring myself to sleep? OR maybe my body really does need the rest.
Massage in the morning, and perhaps I'll get some writing done. Who knows!?!
~Agenor
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