I find it hard to remember, sometimes, that there ARE awkward conversations that I like to have. They don't feel awkward for me, until I'm talking about something, and I picture it... and all of a sudden, I realize that I'm talking to someone, about my PENIS!
I live these moments. These are the thoughts that float in my head, day after day, moment to moment.This is MY LIFE. My truth!
Research is going well. I have come to some conclusions: 1. everything I know is wrong. 2. i will never know EVERYTHING there is to know about either surgery, or surgeon. 3. I can't be as lazy about this, as I am about thigs, usually.
I wonder how much weight, I really need to lose, maybe Arizona will be happy with me being down to 195. I know I'll be happy with me, being down to 195.
This morning: I don't want to go to the gym. I want to stay in bed, and dream, and watch tv, and relax, and have some free time to myself. I had an amazing weekend, but it was busy! :)
Lyrics catch me off guard, and before I know it I'm sitting in the balcony, in tears reminiscing of a time... and it's gone.
One day I will write a letter, explaining why she's a heartless bitch in my world, and why I can't have her in my life at all. One day. By the time I am ready to write that letter, there will be no need, because that will be just another hour of my life, devoted to someone who clearly doesn't deserve it.
I have good memories, but they hurt me more than the betrayal. So I hold onto the less painful, and move on into a direction of faithfulness.
Lyrics catch me off guard, and before I know it... I'm smiling. Thinking of all the times yet to come.
the book: will begin.
overtime: will begin, when there is some.
stability is slowly creeping up on me.
balance is on the horizon.
Therapy is tomorrow. I will pay her again, to be my friend. this is so bad for the self esteem... ;)
~Agenor
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