organize that shite!

I saw Princess today, and we had this long drawn out conversation about how  making lists and organzing everything helps keep perspective, and reduces stress. I, myself am a list guy. I live for lists, and stroking things off lists, and making new lists, and lists lists lists!
*phew*

I came home from work in a slight grump. After turning down a beautiful girl for an evening of snuggles I felt guilty. What am I going to gain from turning her down? Nothing. Well... maybe it'll be motivation for me to get my ass out of bed and go to the gym in the AM. I'm actually not going to make my goal of going three times this week but if I go tomorrow, I can get my second one in!

I'm not losing weight fast enough. I know that I'm not supposed to be rushing this, and I'm not supposed to expect miracles, but it needs to be said, that I think that 1lb a week, is kinda slow. I'm not doing enough at the gym, I know that I feel the difference, and I can see the differnce so much quicker.
There's that.

Then there's money. I've found an awesome place in Arizona, where I'd like to stay for two months, while I have various procedures done. The price isn't bad, but it's still more than I have (which right now, is a grand total of 300 USD). I'm trying. I've been saving money. Spending only on the necessities, and cutting way back on the amount of money I'm spending on socializing. I'm not eating out quite as much, I did have two pitas this week. I'm spending much more on groceries, which is a positive point, it means that I'm eating healthier, and I'm spending less at fast food places...
I'm trying to get overtime. (and this week I got Saturday morning).
Next week I'm scheduled for midnights, but Dean and I are trying to get back on 4 10's. we might be able to pull it off. If we do, that will mean that I have Friday, Saturday an Sunday off. If that is the case, it would be nothing for me to pick up a part time job doing odd deliveries on Fridays and Saturdays.
Money is my heel right now.

Then of course there's the random and average stressors of life. Of not being able to get to the gym, of listening to my mom bitch about how eating that one chocolate bar (when I don't eat many treats at all!) is going to cause me to stay fat forever and how I'm "only doing it to myself." The discussions about travel, and procedures that end in arguments, because she has her head so far up her ass she cannot see that I have enough time to plan properly.
The fear that one thing won't work out, and I'll lose my mind.

What will happen, if OHIP covers me, but I'm unable to get everything else together? What if I can get the coin to travel, but work won't pay for my time off?  WHY must she put these thoughts in  my head?

It took me a couple weeks, but with the help of a friend through BBM last night, I was able to complete my timline. I have a general idea of how much time I will need off and when, which means that I can go to HR and find out exactly what paperwork I need to submit, and how I can go about getting paid while I am off.
There is no reason why they won't pay me. I will have supporting documents to show that this is medically necessary, and if they cover for folks off for knee replacements, it doesn't make a lot of sense, in my head, why they wouldn't cover the time off for this.
But anyway.

SoME of the stresses in my life...
which combined with the fact that my shot was yesterday, and I'm a little off... makes me a very selfish person.

I'm trying to learn to be more selfish, but I'm not real big on the interfering with other people's lives while doing that...

so if I've offended you, or rubbed you the wrong way, in the process of trying to get my poop in a group, I'm sorry!

and for that special lady, who offered me the sweetest of gifts that I denied tonight, I'm sorry... and if it helps at all... as I type this... I'm wishing more than anything, that you were here with me...

~Agenor