Time.

Time. It never ceases to amaze me. That in this exact spot that I am sitting, something has happened before, thousands of years ago. Maybe it was a dinosaur, maybe a buncha cowboys, certainly there was farmland... and now, I'm here in my room. Underground.
I was sitting at the river, a familiar place from my teenage years. It's where we'd go park, to talk, about all of the troubles in our little worlds. I was there tonight, and wether it was magical, the way the lights hit the snow banks that reminded me of being 18 and so fed up with the strife of it all... or it was simply just something that I needed to feel at that moment, I was taken back.
Almost breathless. As I think about where I am today, v.s. where I was those years ago. Thinking about all of the things that I wanted, in life... and thinking about all that I have.
A lifetime has passed. I can't believe we're off doing things. Like getting married, having kids, and getting penises. I can't believe that life has taken off, and happened. That I'm going to be like my mom was when she was my age "Ohhh my god, could it be sally (insert maiden name here)?" or ... "oooh wow you have 3 kids! i can't believe it!" in so many ways it feels like I have barely graduated highschool, and in some moments I can't even remember that evening. Walking up to her, to congratulate her (as though it was some big deal, some huge accomplishement) she was my reason, and usually the centre of most of my late night river thoughts.
Tonight, I sat there thinking with my friend who wants to leave this town... Thinking about what life will be like when he too, moves on. What life is like already, how lonely it can be, and yet, how comforting it is, to be able to sit and have a moment where Time takes you backwards. Where you can SEE yourself running down the old street you grew up on. I could see myself walking to the store with Mel, proud as a peacock holding her hand... and thinking how that was a fair trade... I bought her lunch and she "let me" hold her hand...
I could see myself biking home, when they lit the reefer. I could see being younger, and being at Neil and Kathy's... 56.Maple.Ave. my second home. Safety. Gone wrong. Broken up, destroyed. and yet.
I could feel Paulyne. I could walk home from school. The day my grandma took me, when I cried, and she cried... I could feel her arms around me.
Time.
It happened.
Something happened in this space, and I can feel it. I think it's incredible.
History.
In the making?
I am blessed, to be alive 8 years later... to have made it past 23, and to be surviving through my 27th year... To be planning the things that I am planning, and to be doing the things that I am doing. So blessed. and because of that, thankful.
~AGENOR