I'm not sure why i'm feeling so defeated right now.
It's proving to me how much I really did enjoy her company, the relationship we were building, and the thoughts of a future that I did allow myself to have.
I feel like i could just cry all day, and that'd be alright. I wish i had answers.
In this moment: I'd like to be able to get my shit together, figure out what it is that I can afford, and go back to her, place a deal on the table, and start the negotiations.
the feeling of my head in her neck.
the way she's gentle, and loving
the way she wiped my tears, and the way that she kept herself together when I was clearly falling apart.
She is undoubtedly the kind of woman I want beside me in the long run. I hope and pray that I can pull my shit together before it's too late.
plan of action:
-therapy to discuss: relationship, anti depressants, and surgery
-gym to put more positive energy into my life
-less time laying/moping around. life is made to live...
What I do know at this point in time, is that I am better for having met her. What I hope is that in a couple weeks time, I'll have a clearer indication of how I feel, and what I need to do about it.
It may not have had a chance to become love, but it was definitely like, and maybe a little more...
~Al
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