Alone in my space... alone in my head...

I don't know how to articulate, most of the time, these days.
The feelings of hopelessness and despair have changed.
I know I'm in the thick of it, and that's why sometimes it seems gloomy, and doomy.
I know I'll get through it, mostly because I always do.
This doesn't seem as bad as I anticipated.
but with the constant nattering, it's hard to keep your head up.
Healthy choices aren't the easiest ones.
Noone sees that I am trying.
baby steps.
i had one meal today,
she makes me feel bad about my body.
this whole process was about feeling good about my body, and now she's picking me apart. Found something else to talk about.
Also: not cool for your mom to make fun of how big your penis is. No matter when/if that will change down the road.
Teasing me, should be off limits right now. I am allowed. It is MY BODY. MY PENIS. MY STOMACH. MINE. I know where the line is, and it's okay if I walk it. Someone else walking the very personal lines: that's not okay.

Hiding in my room for another day.
Waiting for work to save me.
Back on afternoons with the crew. Looking forward to that! :) Afternoons with Jeanie. Line 8. I like Line 8. We'll see how long I like it after I've worked on it for a couple days STRAIGHT through.

looking for routine, and stability. Not finding ANY stability at "home"
Not feeling much like a home outside of my room.

~Agenor